Monday, 18 April 2011

In which men are playing it cool

As so often occurs in my life, one recent Thursday evening, I found myself in the pub.

With The Redhead working behind it, I sat at the bar nattering and merrily getting in the way of TR doing her job whilst I waited for another friend to join me for supper and a long-overdue catch-up.

As TR turned away (rudely - I mean, how dare she?!) to serve paying customers, I turned to my left to find a dark, handsome stranger had sat down with a large glass of red.

We’d swapped a few polite pleasantries, when The Redhead introduced us properly.

“Pub Regular, this is Blonde. Blonde, Pub Regular. More drinks?”

If such a thing is possible as to declare one’s two favourite words in the English language, I think those come pretty darned close.

More drinks it was, and we continued chatting until my friend arrived, and she and I moved to a table by the window to gossip about her forays into online dating and misbehaving sixth-formers (for clarity: the two are definitely discrete subjects. I don’t think the head at her school would be too thrilled if they were a mutual problem).

She and I worked our way through a nice balanced supper of houmous, olives, gossip and more houmous. A couple of hours later and I was back at the bar to settle up.

Pub Regular, having been joined by his flatmate, was still there, knocking back a bottle of Malbec. A quip about how they absolutely weren’t on a man-date (despite the fact they were planning on going shopping together the following day), and a few moments later I was walking back to The Teacher with a receipt for the mountain of houmous and PR’s number.

Being a fairly traditional kinda gal, I left it to him to make the first move.

And left it.

And then left it a while longer.

I’m not the type to play games - and, thankfully, the guys I’ve seen in the recent past haven’t been either. If I’ve liked someone, they’ve known it. Messages, phonecalls and dates have been sent, or received, or arranged and executed in the course of life. I’ve never sat and thought about how long I should wait between receiving a text and sending a reply; or worried about whether I should hold more back. Because, in my experience, dealings with men are baffling enough without adding layers of complexity to the dating game.

So when the required “playing it cool” 48 hours had passed; and then a frankly rude three days had passed and I’d heard neither hide nor hair from PR, I assumed I wouldn’t, and wrote him off.

And then…

I didn’t realise you’d actually swapped numbers! The Redhead messaged when I told her I’d finally had a text.

Indeed, I said. Although he’s very clearly from the “playing it so cool it’s glacial” school of thought.

It had taken PR a whole week for a message that simply said: Hi. Thought of you. How are you? x

I’m all for making dating work however you can, but I don’t know that applying your own set of particularly frosty rules is a philosophy I want to adopt - or encourage.


pinkjellybaby said...

You're lucky if this doesn't happen to you often...every one I find is like this.


I do hope the question wasn't an offer of sympathy. Imagine; "are you OK, because I've been worried you're still reeling/sobbing into a half-finished pot of houmous following my lack of interest?"

HC said...

He's clearly after some discreet humpage. Not always a bad thing.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I had one like this once. Back and forth, days and weeks between messages...Unsurprisingly, we never did end up meeting up for that beer he kept yabbering on about.


Blonde said...

PJB: Seriously? Urgh. What is wrong with them? It's just rude.

LUCE: HAH! That is pretty much how it reads, isn't it? They really are a breed unto themselves.

HC: Well that's just charming. Seriously - if you're not interested, why ask for a girl's number?

PDEWYMO: Quite. Next.

theperpetualspiral said...

It took him that long to send that message? Crikey. Next!

HC said...

I aim to please. Let's be fair to the guy though, if he's not texted you from a need for nookie, it might just be that he has had a busy week. What was your response to the horny gent?

Amy said...

I cannot be bothered with people who do things like this. Never mind. Onto the next — and hopefully someone who can muster up the energy to make contact a bit more quickly.

nuttycow said...

I don't do playing games. If a man gets scared because you answer a text within 2 hours as opposed to 2 days, then he's really not the man for you. If he takes a week to say "hi" then he clearly has issues.

No matter how good his taste in wine :)

heybartender said...

I have to ask why *you* didn't get in touch with *him* sooner? Isn't this rather the pot calling the kettle black? If you took his number, the ball was just as much in your court as his. I'm just saying...

Slates said...

Have to be honest, sounds like PR can't win here. If he'd text you the next day, it'd have been too soon, the day after, and he's taken too long to reply. I agree with heybartender, even if you are from the "traditional way of thinking.."!

Blonde said...

TPS: Next indeed.

HC: No week is THAT busy. If you want to contact someone, you'll find the time.

Amy: My sentiments exactly.

NC: Couldn't agree more.

Heybartender: He asked for my number. Thus, I felt the onus was on him.

Slates: Oh, contraire - a text the next day would have been absolutely fine. And a whole week is just rude.

David said...

Couldn't agree more, Blondie. Mind games are the most irritating form of (or lack of) communication there can be. Why can't people just be STRAIGHT with one another and!

Pfft, he is clearly used to having women fall at his feet. Nice to know there's a lady who STANDS UP for herself and her beliefs because he is a complete waste of time. You deserve better! :)


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