Tuesday, 26 April 2011

In which dating and perfection are probably mutually exclusive

“I just don’t know…” Best Mate was saying late one recent Sunday morning as I held the phone in one hand and dug dandelions out of the lawn with the other.

We were discussing just why she’s so reticent about going on a date with a guy who is quite plainly exceptionally keen on her.

“Is it because you work with him?”

“Sort of… I mean – it would be a pretty epic scandal if anyone found out. But it’s not just that…”

Best Mate thence proceeded to tell me that she's holding back for other reasons too: even though the two of them don’t work together directly, the fact she’d be dating one of the firm’s librarians would be more than enough to wag tongues. And with Social Circle Blonde being the lovely but judgy lot that they are, his being shy and gentle wouldn’t stand him in good stead up against our friends.

Dismissing partners for superficial reasons is a topic that seems to have come up with surprising frequency of late.

Over red wine (and cocktails. And more red wine), Eligible yet Eternal Bachelor brought to my attention that girls aren’t the only people to write off relationships on rather dubious grounds.

For him there was the woman who wasn’t quite on the ball with current affairs, to the point of being blissfully unaware of one of the most widely reported stories of last summer. Sadly for her, she also used bog-standard oil as a dressing for her salads (practically a hanging offence, let alone a dumpable one), which was the icing on his cake. There were others.

Of course, I would argue that a little pickiness is no bad thing. I’d always rather be with someone who’s right, than with someone for the sake of it. I’m perfectly happy with my own company and would consider it settling for second best to be with someone I had doubts about.

But perhaps there’s such a thing as being too picky. Maybe I’ve now got to the point where I’m not being particular: I’m being unrealistic.

I should probably pause for a moment and consider whether it’s reasonable to demand my dates be over 6’; jewellery-free; with the looks of RPJ and the voice of Zeb Soanes. Because I’d be the first to clamour that my boys were being ridiculous if they dumped women on the basis of their not being Megan Fox with an MA in conflict resolution and a quasi-religious commitment to Steak and Blowjob day.

Maybe BM, EEB and I aren’t being reasonably and understandably choosey, but rather cutting off our noses to spite our faces. It’s probably true that all the people we’ve dismissed are decent human beings; we just can’t see past our own snobberies. Perfection would be nice – but it’s just not practical.

Discussing the subject with PolitiGal, she suggested that maybe we shouldn’t expect to find all the stimulus we need to come wrapped up in one person.

With the multitude of individuals we have in our lives, we’ve got friends we can go to for intellectual debate; for a geeky chat about amazing food at a brand new restaurant; or for howling with uncontrollable laughter. There are yet others we can drag round modern art museums; and those we can drag round Burghley.

So maybe it’s reasonable not to expect potential partners to be everything we could ever imagine being appealing in a human being, and we should just enjoy them for who they are instead.

So long as they only use extra-virgin olive oil. Obviously.

10 comments:

HC said...

"quasi-religious commitment to Steak and Blowjob day". - Exceptional capitalisation.

Dream in Grey said...

surely they have to have the majority of the things you find appealing though, you can't just appreciate them for what they offer if what they offer isn't anything like you like...unless they're stunning of course

Zstep said...

Wasn't your last dalliance of significance with the jewelry wearing Oompa Loompa? You are such a confusing girl sometimes...

James said...

"It’s probably true that all the people we’ve dismissed are decent human beings; we just can’t see past our own snobberies. Perfection would be nice – but it’s just not practical."

"With the multitude of individuals we have in our lives, we’ve got friends we can go to for intellectual debate; for a geeky chat about amazing food at a brand new restaurant; or for howling with uncontrollable laughter. There are yet others we can drag round modern art museums; and those we can drag round Burghley.

So maybe it’s reasonable not to expect potential partners to be everything we could ever imagine being appealing in a human being, and we should just enjoy them for who they are instead."


how true are these words blonde!
awwwwwwwwwww blonde bless you! :(
wish you fine the perfect one!
you can have my love any day :) but then I am full of flaws anyway :P



when it comes to seeking relationships I am a lot like you...
I know there isnt a perfect one out there but I would at least like a more compatible one/one with more in common.
still looking.....

Style Stealer said...

I think it is no coincidence that all members of Social Circle Style Stealer all found their long term partners when we had all moved away from each other for long enough to stop agonising over and discussing (whilst putting away many a bottle of red wine) the flaws of new "significant others".

Have been a long time reader, bloody good post as always Blonde.

Blonde said...

HC: Why, thank you. We aim to please, grammatically.

DiG: Well, this is true. It's finding enough that you like balanced with stuff that you don't mind not being there, I suppose. That doesn't really make sense, but I hope you know what I mean!

Zstep: Confusing, I am. Sorry.

James: Ah, good to know there are several of us dismissing candidates for less-than-good reason.

SS: Hmm. That's interesting. So what you're saying is that I need new friends?! Ta very much - glad to have you! x

HC said...

Welcome back Ms Blonde. Steaks are nice medium-rare, BJ's well done.

danielgrosvenor said...

Just putting it out there: I would love to take you on a date.

Sincerely,
A fellow fussy git

HC said...

That's ballsy, definitely worthy of a date.

Blonde said...

HC: Good to know, HC, good to know.

Daniel: Well that's very flattering. What's your preferred olive oil?!

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