They say international travel broadens the mind, and opens one’s eyes to new horizons. I used my recent jaunt to NYC to learn a few things…
- Should you and your new boss end up having that last cheeky G&T in the BA lounge, you’re more than likely to find yourselves running through T5 as the nice announcer lady threatens that the flight is about to take off without you, and if you wish to join it, would you please damn well get your arses on it now* (*I may be paraphrasing her slightly).
- Female PRs in New York are faintly terrifying. No bigger than a size -2, where they keep their internal organs, and how they have the strength to cart around their enormous Harry Winstons, remains a mystery.
- There is a love affair with all things hi-tech. There are electronic key fobs to operate the doors, and PIN codes to get into the loos. For someone forgetful, and prone to losing stuff, this is a less-than-ideal scenario.
- British humour doesn’t translate. Quips about the British being so low-tech as still to be using door handles will be met with utterly blank stares.
- All men in New York - but ALL of them - have ridiculous-sized dogs.
- Barmen in New York don’t use measures. As a Brit it pains me to say this, but New Yorkers can mix a killer G&T.
- An RP accent goes down rather well in Manhattan (it also makes rounds of those G&Ts much cheaper. Or, free). However, sometimes it will be mistaken for an Australian accent (no free drinks then), whereas a Kiwi accent will always be mistaken for British. Eh?
- After a few of the aforementioned G&Ts, the view from the penthouse bar in which you’re enjoying the afterparty has the propensity to give one a touch of vertigo.
- Once the inappropriate flirting; dancing on tables; and ensuing splitting of DJ trousers has reached its peak, it’s useful to have nice strangers on hand to be able to manhandle colleague into cabs and back home (thanks, mysterious Julian from Chicago).
- Pizza is acceptable as a snack in 10am conference calls.
- A short wander round MOMA is a wonderful thing. The majority of a day spent in MOMA will elicit a plot to ensnare a Getty so you’ll eventually have the resources to buy half the collection.
- Even in the most easily-navigatable city in the world, it’s possible to be so hungover that you walk 10 blocks in entirely the wrong directions.
- You’ll have to resort to Twitter if you want to know the rugby score.
- Sorry to say it, but the coffee is generally pretty dreadful. Monmouth, it ain’t.
- Constant drinking and no more than four hours’ sleep a night will mean you arrive back in the UK tired and ill. And utterly in love with a place that you really didn’t want to leave.
In memory of Kauto Star. With love and thanks.
8 hours ago