Wednesday, 30 March 2011

In which one isn't always the loneliest number. But it is sometimes

Despite the fact I seem to spend most of my life on a date, I do actually rather enjoy being single. Which is lucky because as it happens, perpetual dates aside, I seem to be single rather more than not.

I’m quite an independent gal. So independent that, sometimes, I’ve been misconstrued as cold and distant, which isn’t ideal and definitely not what’s intended. It’s just the way I am, and it’s the way I’ve always been. Frankly, by this point, I doubt I’ll change.

Being single allows me the freedom to do what I like, when I like, without having to think about anyone else (anyone else would probably term that ‘selfishness’, but I’m in PR, so ‘enjoying freedom’ it is).

But that doesn’t mean that sometimes, being on your own isn’t quite a scary thing, and there are times when I think it would be quite nice if there were someone else around.

Weddings, obviously. When I’m struggling to get the Christmas decorations back into the loft, naturally. And, as it turns out, when I’m lying in a hospital bed, having just been informed of the possibility of a faintly terrifying diagnosis.

Because being pretty terrible with needles, blood and – unless they’re Seattle Grace and firmly on the telly – hospitals, at the best of times, the prospect of immediate emergency surgery is a frightening one; and even more so when you’re by yourself.

It’s not that in life in general, there isn’t anyone around. There are the familials (and quite a lot of them when the extended family is counted) and a whole host of excellent friends that I probably wouldn’t be able to shake off if I wanted to. And if push came to shove, there are even a few exes I’m on good enough terms with who, if things got truly dire, would probably be able to help me out of a life-threatening situation.

But those people aren’t necessarily the ones you’d call to hold your hand when your day’s taken an out-of-the-ordinary turn.

Whilst I’d have absolutely no problem calling Best Mate to come and play sidekick, her location in an out of town law firm rather precludes the possibility. If things were really dreadful, I could always call the parents – but again, they’re out in Home County, and much as it amazes me that The Father hasn’t yet been done for speeding, I doubt even he could make it into the centre of town in half an hour.

And even though I’m sure a lot of my darlingest friends would have absolutely no problem either being asked, or dropping whatever it was they were doing, to come and babysit the Blonde (love them. They are a good bunch), I’d feel awkward dragging them out of their days.

Because, despite how long you’ve known them, or how close you might be, somehow it’s not as socially acceptable to call a pal to come and distract you from your wimpiness as it would be a boyfriend.

As it was, there was no emergency surgery, and no need for anyone to hold my hand. Which is just as well. Because I’m still not entirely sure who it would have been.

9 comments:

HC said...

Ah blonde, you fragile sausage. I respect you more for your independence and self-determination and both are qualities any self-respecting man should look for in a woman. The reason for your singleness? Because you are equally a self-respecting woman.

Anonymous said...

Poor Blonde. Where are you finding all these available men for dating??

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I hear ya. I've always been a happy singleton who doesn't worry too much about not having a bloke around (apart from yes, weddings etc). I also don't like to depend on my mates too much, particularly if they're in relationships; I always imagine they would have something better to do, or half an eye on a text from their other half in my hour of need.

But having had quite a stressful old time lately, it's actually been surprising how readily a couple of friends (surprisingly the ones in new relationships) dropped everything for me, and were more supportive than any bloke has ever been.

nuttycow said...

Aw Blonde - you know if I'd have been in the country I would have been one of those you could call (whether you'd want me there is another matter).

I know you've had a bit of a shitty time recently but don't let it get you down too much. Yes, there are times when it would be lovely to have that man there (times when no one else will do) and you've been in that situation a couple of times recently. But that shouldn't make you want to settle. You deserve better than a man for man's sake.

theperpetualspiral said...

"You deserve better than a man for man's sake."

It cannot be said any clear than our resident Swiss cheese has stated above.

Rebecca said...

Here's the view from the other side.

I've been fiercely independent from a very young age and, except for a brief marriage, single for most of my adult life. My sister, though she fares well on her own, has always preferred being part of a pair. But she's been unlucky in love, as well, and has been single for most of the last several years. And still, as she faces a fairly common procedure on her heart, insists that it's not necessary for me to drop everything I'm doing at the ends of the earth and drag our handicapped mother more than halfway across this vast country to be at her side.

But she's alone out there.

And no matter the advancements in medical technology, I have a difficult time considering any procedure on the heart "routine". I'm not even given pause by the fact that my mother's own sister is now laying at death's door. We've been to see her at the hospital each of the last 3 days, but we are getting on a plane Friday evening no matter what transpires on that front.

And we're staying until I'm sure my sister is okay.

Your parents may not have been able to get there in time to see you before surgery, but I'm sure they would have been waiting when you came out. We may actually not arrive in time for my sister's procedure, as she won't find out until tomorrow when it will be scheduled, and Friday evening is the earliest that logistics will allow us to leave. But, in any case, we'll be there to take care of her afterward...even if she supposedly won't need much more than to take it easy.

Family. We may not be able to get there as soon as we like, but you can bet we will be there as soon as we can.

Mike said...

I think you'd be surprised at how many friends would be there for you.

I sure hope you would.

Blonde said...

HC: Indeed. And I refuse to settle. But that does occasionally cause these sort of ponderings. I think I'll just try to avoid hospitals in future.

Anon: Quite. Anywhere and everywhere. The last one was in the pub.

PDEWYMO: That is an excellent thing. Knowing you've got friends you can rely on when things go a touch pear-shaped is what it's about. I'm with you though - I don't like to depend too much on anyone but myself.

NC: Oh absolutely - you fall directly into the category of "I know would be an utter darling and drop stuff" but I would feel utterly guilty about having you do it. Brains are funny things, huh? (And I'm really not blue - I just had a wee panicky moment. Hospitals: I'm no fan.)

TPS: Too kind. Whether it's deserved I don't know, but that is 100% the approach I take: if it's not right, I'm not interested.

Rebecca: Oh, I couldn't agree more. I know absolutely that family would be there with bells on - eventually. She'll utterly appreciate you being there.

Mike: Ah, but even though that's the case, I'd feel bad for having to ask them. Nuts, no?

Mike said...

Blonde:

Where would we be without guilt?

In all honesty, you'd feel bad for about a minute, until you realized that they, like you, welcome an opportunity to help a friend.

Last week the mother of one of my best friends passed away. He called me to come over right away and write the obituary. A sad situation, but it honestly made me feel good to be able to do something to help them.

Try and realize that is exactly what would happen with the people you might call.

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