Friday, 4 March 2011

In which men are hot. Really, really hot

Whilst writing my latest piece for the lovely chaps over at Blokely, I was minded to consider the appeal of a man in a suit. Because, let’s face it: in ‘em, boys look hotter. Exhibit A: Don Draper in polo shirt:

vs. exhibit B: Don Draper in suit:
Hmm. Bad example, because he’s the picture of hotness any which way you look at him. But still. You catch my drift.

It’s an inalienable truth that formally dressed, any man looks delicious. Not only that, but there is a direct correlation between formality of a man’s dress and the level of his hotness.

Sadly, it’s not a rule that also applies to women. We might, on the whole, scrub up pretty well in our posh frocks, but anyone who’s been to any sort of formal anything will know that a ball dress doesn’t always flatter a girl, and some women simply look better in their everydays.

Not so with boys.

You might not be able to polish a turd, but stick that turd in a suit, and it’s suddenly far more presentable. Possibly even attractive.

Moving up the scale, the dinner jacket has even more power. A man might look perfectly average whilst walking down a street, but put him in a DJ and suddenly he’s a hottie you’d quite like on your arm. Stick an already hot chap in one, and frankly I wouldn’t want to be held responsible for any ensuing female behaviour.
From those lofty heights, there’s little more a guy can do to up his hotness quotient, apart from actually being Rupert Penry-Jones. But there are still one or two tricks you can pull out of the bag.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. If there's going to be gratuitous hotness, there may as well be plenty of it
Source: Radio Times

One such trick is to have in the back of the wardrobe a set of British Army mess dress. I have never been struck speechless quite the way I was when walking into the hall at Renowned Military Academy for Speckled Lad’s graduation ball. The place was filled with boys in a variety of regimental mess dress looking utterly, utterly GAWJUS – and women whose jaws were resting on the floor. Whether the chaps themselves were actually hot or not, I don’t know, but their attire had every uterus in the room skipping a beat. Do it. For the next fancy dress party you go to, hire one. For maximum effect, make sure it’s H-Cav. Guaranteed: you’ll get lucky. Very, very lucky.

Of course, getting hold of Harry’s cast-offs may not be quite as easy as you (and we) would like. But there is a fall back.

“Oh, God. I love them,” The Intern enthused as we wandered out of the office one night last week. “There’s just something about them… I wish more men in London would realise it. They’d have women queuing up.”

Ah, the humble kilt. Quite whence its potent mystical properties, I don’t know, but it’s got ‘em in spades. There’s something about a boy in a kilt – Scottish or not – that’s just irresistible (and, for the record, I choose to believe it’s not because we’re such lust-fuelled creatures that we find the thought of a man commando under his skirt appealing).

Whatever it is, I suggest you chaps out there all go and dig around for your Scottish roots, then get your legs out. It just might help you get your leg over.


Amy said...

Whilst not entirely sure about someone in a kilt (mainly because I've never seen a man in a kilt in real life) I completely agree that men look much, much better in suits. One of the main reasons I was first attracted to my OH was that he almost always wore a suit, or at least smart jeans with a shirt and tie.

Now, I'm off to search for photos of men in kilts.

Oh, and if you ever fancy writing posts with more gratuitous photos of Rupert Penry-Jones...that wouldn't be a bad thing.

Blonde said...

Amy: WHAT?! Fix that, pronto. Better yet, get your OH to discover some latent Scotch ancestry. Trust me. *Swoon* (Oh, and point noted on RPJ. Swoon again.)

pinkjellybaby said...

This post should come with a warning. This was all far too much for me to deal with on an already slightly flustered Friday.

Now all I can do is imagine in a suit, dressed in a shiny buttoned military affair, in a kilt...there's practically steam coming out of my ears.

Will said...

I was with you up until the kilt part. No chance there.

Blonde said...

PJB: Oh. Sorry about that. Nice cup of tea to calm you down, maybe?!

Will: 'Fraid I have to disagree with you there, my friend. Men in kilts = hot.

The Pedant said...

As a man who wears a kilt from time-to-time I can attest to what La Blonde is saying here. I have received more compliments and attention (including a gay approach) while wearing a kilt than all other outfits put together.

At the risk of mixing my cultures, it takes a certain chutzpah when not in Scotland but is all the more fun for it.

Gin Operated said...

Thank you very much for those pictures, which have cheered me up immensely. Completely with you on the suit thing. Mmm.

As for kilts, not so much. I don't know if it's eight years living in Scotland or just the men I know but they've lost they're charm and mystery. In my experience, a bloke in a kilt at a social event a)believes that every woman there thinks he is irresistable thanks to the kilt and b)is drunk out of his mind. No surprise that it was the kilted contingent throwing cup cakes across the dance floor at my wedding...

Hamish said...

"Scottish or not" ?

Should be pushed off Edinburgh castle for that Blondie. Kilts are for us Jocks.....ONLY !!!

Shinerpunch said...

I agree whole-heartedly. Very much yes. More kilts.

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