Tuesday, 17 August 2010

In which I ponder the irresistible man

In pondering recently what makes a truly great first date, I was also led to contemplate what’s appealing in a boy in general (that’s what it took to think about it, because I obviously don’t spend train journeys; tube journeys; time waiting in the queue at the post office and any other idle moment I get contemplating hot boys. Oh no no).

And, not wanting to give you just my opinions on the matter, I did a little crowdsourcing amongst the girls, to make sure what I think is scrummy isn’t skewed and idiosyncratic, but representative of at least a whole three women… So, should you be determined to make your dalliance fall irretrievably in lust, here are a few things it won’t hurt to have:

- The ability to laugh at yourself. Yeah, we like successful men, powerful men, ambitious and driven men. But we don’t like successful, powerful, ambitious and driven men who believe their own hype. We’d far rather spend the night giggling and joking around in a dingy pub, or sharing takeaway on the sofa if the alternative is Philip Green.

- Lovely hands (I did think it might just be me, and that I’d developed some kind of crazy hand fetish, but it’s not. JournoGal and Best Mate have both backed me up on this one). There’s something wonderful about a man’s hands - and all the more so if they’re well-kept. You don’t need to visit a manicurist (in fact, please don’t visit a manicurist) - just don’t bite your nails. And if you can sneak the occasional dollop of your housemate’s expensive hand cream, so much the better.

- A sense of tactility. At the right time and place, obviously: there’s a difference between being tactile and just being gropey, and we don’t want to be felt up under the table at Sunday lunch with Ma and Pa (well, actually, sometimes we do. But do it subtly). A quick squeeze of the shoulders whilst you’re behind us on the escalator; an arm thrown round the shoulders when you’re walking along next to us; a hand on the waist and a quick peck to the forehead when you pass through the kitchen: all good. All very, very good.

- A great aftershave. I know, I’ve said it before, but this can’t be overstated - and anyway, it’s not just me: this was a unanimous choice. I quote: Best Mate: “Decent aftershave is irresistible. A really good one can stop a girl in the street.” You heard it here first.

- A lovely gravelly voice. A hot accent has never hurt anyone either (I’m a big fan of (in no particular order) gentle Irish; lilting Scotch; a hint of South African or a nice, crisp RP), but that’s a bonus. If you’re a bit squeaky in the vocal department, take up smoking and whisky drinking. Ignore what the NHS says - it’s hot. Exhibit A: Don Draper.

- Stubble. Yes, we bitch and moan about the rash it gives us (mainly because it makes you harder to hide from our mothers and gossipy bosses), but we don’t mean it. It makes you look hot. And anyway, that’s what Liz Arden’s 8 hour cream was made for.

- The ability to give good hug. We love our girlfriends. We love the hours we spend with them, nattering about the flaws in the Kimberley process, or the finer points of morality in Blair giving his book profits to the RBL (ok, ok - or True Blood and shoes. Whatever). But they can’t give big, all-consuming, wrap-you-up-like-you-might-stop-breathing, everything’s-going-to-be-okay bear hugs. Hug us right, and we might just never let you go.


Chômage said...

I 'think' I like Yorkshire puddings more than gropery anyway... *ponders*.

Sorry, which aftershave did you say?

nuttycow said...

I would also add intelligence and having read something other than boy books (see Andy McNab). What good is a man if you can't have a nice debate with them about politics, history, religion etc?

And there's also...... ok, there are lots of specific criteria that men need to fulfil but if I listed them all, I'd be here for a very long time!

missyummyface said...

lord, this is not helping my current daydreamy situation at all. Swoon.

AgirlcalledTom said...

Some men have this way of silently and without you realising it, making you feel like you are the centre of their own personal solar system for the time you are together be it a cuppa or a long erm relationship.

The ability to really pay attention, without being stalkerish obv, and make me feel like you vlaue the time we are spending together is a winner in my book.

The Pedant said...

As someone who can't stand the smell of most aftershaves, that one baffles me. Do you have any suggestions for a 'great aftershave'?

Blonde said...

Chomage: It's a tricky call, isn't it? Depends on who's making the Yorkshires, I s'pose.

NC: Oh, there's a whole list of stuff that I really like, but these are the things that make me go squishy.

MissY: Hang in there.

Tom: They do. In my experience, they're sadly few and far between - and generally the ones who're quite badly behaved...

TP: You know, I don't think I'd be able to name any of them. But I know what I like when I smell it.

Chrissie Hines said...

Like it lots - small and simple things that make us ladies smile :)

Elle said...

I'm with you on the hint of a South African accent = hel-lo!

However, I wasn't with you on lovely hands until I read "just don’t bite your nails" - I can now see where you are coming from. The boy bites his and it looks awful, but it's a quirk I put up with. I would much prefer it though if he did have those lovely hands you speak of. :)

missyummyface said...

Can we soon have a post on 'In which I tell MissY how to cope with her crazy and appear normal'?

Nic said...

perfect! i usually read these things and i think i won't agree! definately give me that hint of south african! x

nuttycow said...

No no no to South African (although if you like it, move to Wimbledon). I'm all for the European accents nowadays - French, Italian... Danish.

Del said...

This is all good stuff. I bite my fingers. I will stop.

Blonde said...

CH: Exactly. We're easily pleased, really.

Elle: Careful - he'll be at your nice lotions and potions!

MissY: Hah. If only I knew, Yummy, if only I knew.

Nic: Ah, not just me with the hand fetish then. Good to know.

NC: Danish? Huh.

Del: Wow. Now I feel influential.

richie said...

It's against the normal flow, but here is a little insight into aftershave.

In biological terms, the immunity genes of a man influence the way he smells. If you like the way he smells, it means he has different immunity genes to you, and therefore any children you may produce would have a better chance at receiving a more diverse set of immunities than either parent.

This explains a bit about why odors are part of your list; men with different immunities smell better. Unfortunately, aftershave can cover up the true fragrance of a man, which might be a lot different, and perhaps unpleasant.

In summary, avoid unpleasant smelling men if you want healthy babies!

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