Thursday, 8 July 2010

In which I consider a man's magic number

I’m not a gal who, after doing the deed, collapses panting and sweaty into a man’s arms, stares deep into his eyes and asks dreamily, “what are you thinking?” (though I do enjoy the sweaty, panty collapsing if it’s on offer).

This is for several reasons, the foremost of which is: I don’t want to know. I don’t want to hear “how cool it would be to be a spy” or, “whether Batman could take a Komodo dragon in a fight”. Because, more than likely, that’s what the answer would be. And let's face it: the type of girls who do ask that question only ever want to hear the words “that I’m so in love with you my heart might break”, and that just ain’t gonna happen.

The other question I never ask - again, because I have no desire to hear the answer - is, “so, how many people have you had sex with?”

That right there is a conversation fraught with danger, so when the lovely boys at Blokely wondered whether I’d give a gal’s take on the issue of a man's magic number - in answer to theirs - I thought I’d oblige.

I considered the matter as I sat at my desk, my eyes swimming in Excel budgeting hell.

It’s a question to which there’s no good answer. If you ask, you may get an answer that's too low, and you'll fret that the thing you like to do that ain’t for the fainthearted will have him fleeing for the door. Too high, and you’ll worry that not only are you merely a notch on a well-whittled bedpost, but you’ll probably also itch in the morning. None at all, and you know you’re going to have to put in an awful lot of tuition time into Navigation 101 (either that, or you’re channelling Mrs Robinson, in which case: good luck to you, but do be a dear and check he’s legal).

And, of course, number has very little to do with how Man in Question treats his dalliances. A chap who’s still counting ‘em on one hand is just as capable of doing and ditching as someone more practised. And a figure that might initially seem more phone number than magic number could simply reflect a life well lived: a couple of drunken nights at university; that one time with the two Swedish flatmates he met in a bar (and frankly, if you’re planning on keeping him, that’s a fantasy best out of his system already); and some terribly bad luck.

Really, the number is an irrelevance: anyone’s previous partners are just that: previous. And if they’re not, you’ve got bigger problems than the fact that his number resembles a bank balance.

But if you must ask, then be prepared to hear something you might not like. Maybe stick to what he's thinking instead.

13 comments:

HC said...

I haven't given this much thought but - 8 - that's the answer a man approaching his 30's should always give (if asked). It indicates that there have a been a few long terms, a few 'fun' terms but stays under double figures. It is also a reassuring figure that this particularly lucky gent is not repugnant to other women but also not one likely to be 'known around town'.

Like I said though, I haven't really given it much thought.

Blonde said...

HC: No, not too much, clearly...

nuttycow said...

When it gets to the stage when I'm in bed with someone, it's normally too late to start getting annoyed about how many people they've slept with.

Some men have slept with millions and are rubbish, some only with one and are the best thing since sliced bread.

Number doesn't matter - it's what they do with their experience that counts :)

Brennig said...

There was a discussion on this topic in my circle of friends, last year. We decided that the correct answer to give - whether we were girl or boy - was 'seven' (and keep the real number to ourselves).

But what was interesting was the girls in our group admitted to *way* more sexual partners than the boys.

jman said...

And the number is relevant because? How many times have you been in love or in a long term relationship might have more relevance to something of importance, but as to how many partners one has had is about as relevant as how many different vodkas one has sampled. The only reason one asks (unless one has had a particularly unsatisfying experience and one is wishing to know is this what I should expect or is my partner simply inexperienced) is pure ego. Or so it says here.

Blonde said...

NC: Well, quite.

Bren: Now, how do you know the boys weren't telling the truth, and the girls were just a little more... active?

Jman: That's what I'm saying. The number is entirely irrelevant. But as a girl, I seem to be in a minority for thinking so.

Mike said...

For the record...Batman could totally take a Komodo dragon, although it would take him more work than it would take Spiderman.

Zstep said...

27!

The Pedant said...

Statistically speaking (please stay awake at the back there) I think the average has to be the same unless one of the sexes is prone to more homosexuality (or possibly bestiality) than the other.

P said...

You are absolutely correct. The number is irrelevant. Unless it's zero. In which case . . . ask for ID, just in case.

Blonde said...

Mike: Good to know, Mike. Good to know.

Zstep: Why, thank you for sharing. See, I don't need to ask. The information's freely volunteered.

The Pedant: With a name like that, you can come back. Regardless of your number.

P: Exacticly.

Zstep said...

Oh, that wasn't my number, I honestly don't know what it is (I stopped worrying about it when I was about 20). I just thought 27 seemed just as arbitrary as any other.

Rage said...

Told you you'd end up with a writing gig for that site...!

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