Friday, 21 May 2010

In which I give the boys some tips

I have just discovered Blokely. An online magazine, it contains various stuff within its pages, all aimed - unsurprisingly, given its name - at the boys.

Obviously, I’m not entirely what they’re after in terms of target audience, but for me that’s what makes it a good read. Just as I’m sure Murray watches endless tapes of Federer’s moves before a match, I find it fascinating to get into the mind of if not the enemy, then at least the sparring partner.

A recent Blokely piece gave men all sorts of useful hints and tips for those chaps out there who’ve taken it upon themselves to date a gal much younger than they. Given that it’s an arena in which I have some (not oodles, before anyone says it, but some) experience, I read the piece with interest.

Generally, I had some sympathy with most of the things on the list: for example, “Accept that you aren’t going to match up to the 22yr old rugby playing stud she used to date… make the most of the experience that is on your side.” Fair play, and a good shout.

Of course, it’s a piece clearly written for the boys by the boys so, in the spirit of sharing any wisdom in the hope that it might make life for someone, somewhere, just a fraction easier, I thought I’d add my short guide to dating a younger model – from the other side of the lines.

1. She’s not necessarily with you for your money. Paying for absolutely everything will make her feel like she’s dating her dad. By all means, treat her to dinner at Claridge’s, but when you grab late Sunday morning coffee, let her pick up the tab.

2. Sure, introduce her to your friends, but do some prep work beforehand: do ask them to keep their glares of unbridled jealousy under wraps. It’s not her fault that they have to be back for bathtime whilst you’re still plotting which bars tonight holds.

3. There’s an age gap. You know it, she knows it. Leave it at that. Don’t reinforce the issue by dismissing all her pop culture references with unfavourable comparisons to how things were when you were young. It doesn’t make you look older and wiser. It makes you look patronising and ancient. Ditto any pair of trainers you think makes you look cool.

4. Act your age. An awful lot of behaviour befitting a twentysomething doesn’t flatter most twentysomethings. It definitely won’t flatter you. You won’t look young and carefree. You’ll look pathetic.

5. If you’ve still not learnt to cook, and your fridge holds only booze, San Pellegrino and chocolate, don’t advertise it. See 4.

6. Don’t expect to meet the parents. Don’t even ask to. Daddy’s Little Girl has enough trouble introducing boys to her father. Inducing parental strokes isn’t something she wants to be held responsible for.

7. Don’t perve on her friends. Even when you think she can’t see you. Especially when you think she can’t see you. She can.

8. She knows the shelf life on the relationship is limited, and it hits its sell-by date with the advent of the first tiny crow’s foot. Do her a favour: don’t be brutal, and don’t flaunt the new model too widely. After all, she’s going to trade up to someone with more hair, a deeper wallet and a larger penis. And you wouldn’t want that advertised, would you?


HC said...

These are two good perspectives.

To summarise, the key to keeping a younger woman appears to be: 1) Be young; 2) Try to reign in your knobbish tendencies; and 3) have a large penis.

I got one tick. I am under 30.

Rage said...

Since I'm married to a woman two years older than me, I don't have much to contribute here (except to say that if you even end up going out with a younger man, never mention the words "biological clock").

Sure you're not auditioning for a column?

Gordon said...

Haha. I enjoyed that. Nice post.

That's Not My Age said...

Good stuff - I'm going to have to check Blokely out - like the bit about the trainers.

Blonde said...

HC: Need to make the most of that before it changes, then...

Rage: Heh. No, I imagine that's not much of a turn-on. And no, 'fraid not. I barely have the time for the job I do as it is!

Gordon: Good stuff. Thank you.

TNMA: Do - it's good. The trainers is true, though, isn't it?

Fluffy Pink Duck said...

Love number 8! although the biggest age gap I ever had was 4 years older than me so we weren't into the realm of sugar daddies. And I ended up marrying someone 2 1/2 years younger than me nor do I have to worry about it.

nuttycow said...

Great advice - bizarrely enough, Blokely is a set up by one of my friends from Uni... my best friend even writes for it on occassion.

Having dated an older-ish man, I totally agree with all your tips!

Badger said...

A most amusing article Ms Blonde. As a blogger on blokely I can tell you that the article you refer to is written by a married woman no less. We at blokely are looking to create a blog/magazine for the modern man - no matter what his persuasion. We welcome all views on the modern man - and I will pass your article onto our Editor. Glad you enjoyed it - we hope to hear from you soon Ms Blonde.

Best Regards


Lewis William said...

Hallo! Just tagged you in a 5 years game, hope you can do it. x

Kirses said...

Good call on these I've also fated older (12 years and most recently 6 years), very much identified with your points

Anonymous said...

Haha i loved this! I have sent it on to my bf for a read. He is 14 years older than me so we really do have a gap! 1 & 3 definitely on the mark

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