Wednesday, 24 March 2010

In which the men we're dating just aren't up to scratch

The gals in Social Circle Blonde have had the misfortune to have been on some Really Bad Dates. This seems to be an ongoing phenomenon. Over the years, we've dated the gay ones and the ones who've thought Reiki was an acceptable second-date activity. We've been on dates where the other person's been asked for their autograph; dates that have stressed us out and narrowly escaped dates with the ones related to tyrannical Russian despots. And, sadly, these days seem to be no different, with Lady Luck apparently disinclined to throw any bones any which way.

Best Mate recently had a first date with a lecturer she had initially dismissed, due to his generous covering of facial hair.

“There’s something about beards,” she said on the phone as I tried to persuade the kitten down from the cooker hood. “They freak me out. I just can’t… ergh. The thought of getting my face close to them? Yuck. BUT, I thought I should be a little more open-minded, so we’re going out on Saturday.”

Unfortunately, her open-mindedness didn’t go entirely rewarded.

It was some dreadful student theatre review thing, she said in an email the following Monday. Just… urgh. If I’d not been on a date, I’d have left in the interval. And then we went and had dinner, and he had these really weird coloured lenses in his glasses. I mean, I know he’s an academic, but there’s eccentric, and then there’s just odd. So distracting. And I’ve tried, but I just can’t get past the beard thing.

And PolitiGal recently had a bad date that ended the only way deeply bad dates can: by making use of the friend stashed at the other end of the phone, ready to ring in with a fictional emergency.

“Urgh, thank you!” She said, calling me back once she’d hot-footed it out of the bar, and out of earshot. “That was terrible!”

She regaled me with the details.

“I wasn’t sure at first anyway – he’s a librarian. I mean, I’m sure that most librarians are lovely, but they’re not known for being the most gregarious types. But, he clearly likes books, and drinks real ale, so I thought I’d go. And we got about ten minutes in, and he admitted that he had been to a fantasy fiction convention thingy and the best bit was at the end of the day, when each ‘clan’ nominated a champion and they duelled with each other, using fish as weapons. They had to desist this year after the gashes on one contestant’s arms began to swell alarmingly. I kid you not.”

If she weren’t my friend, I’d have doubled up with laughter. But she is, and being in the process of trying to find suitable males to date, stories like this don’t fill me with confidence.

“And, Blonde… Urgh. The smell. I thought it might have been someone else, but it drifted away when he went to the bar, and came back when he did. I had to get out of there.”

How, in this day and age, anyone turns up to a date smelling foul is beyond me. I can’t think about that bit too much because it makes me sad.

Of course, precedence past and present doesn't mean that I’m entirely filled with confidence when it comes to my new "dating in numbers" theory. I mean, I like to think that I’m optimistic enough that I can still believe that meeting and dating enough men will lead to my finding the one cracker that's undoubtedly out there. Though, as I've said recently, it's the definition of insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over again whilst expecting different results.

Looks like it might just be a matter of time before I find a man, but I imagine he's going to be one of those in a white coat...


nuttycow said...

But, look on the bright side - at least you have numbers to tackle. Somewhere, out there, there'll be someone. Here, there's no one but strange 22 year olds :)

Mike said...

As one who last shaved in 1978, I find the beard revulsion a tad distubrning. Fortunately FabCanadian does not feel that way. And, frankly, is she did...I'd shave.

A Male said...

Is going to fantasy conventions and having fish-fights inherently bad? I hate the typical Lord of the Rings aesthetic myself but I don't think that having an "immature" hobby excludes someone from functioning properly in any other ways including social interactions with non-fish-fighting people.

I would be suspicious of any man who doesn't have a hobby (that is more or less weird to women's eyes) to blow some steam off. That would be the equivalent of a woman who doesn't share her feelings with anyone who will listen. This can only lead to alcoholism later on, work-a-holism(?), wars and premature death.

Not showering is another thing altogether.

Blonde said...

NC: Well, that's true, I suppose. Glass half whatever, 'n' all.

Mike: What can I say? I don't like spiders, and BM doesn't like beards. Horses for courses, innit.

A male: I think fish-fights probably ARE inherently bad, yes. Up there, in fact, with not showering.

Emily said...

Unfortunately, sometimes we go out with someone even though we have significant reservations or that gut reaction that something's not right. I think it's important to know what your Must Haves/Can't Stands are. And bad body odor is definitely a Can't Stand for me.

pinkjellybaby said...

You know, as awful as they least you GET dates. I, do not.

A Male said...


if I had to choose between hanging out with a fish-fighter or someone whose most exciting pasttime is to sit on a chair and drink wine, I'd say the fish-fighter might have more interesting things to say.

But then again, if I had to choose which one to sleep with, I would probably pick the wine-drinker. They are less likely to put up a fight. MWAHAHAhahahahaha(cough) Look! A butterfly!

theperpetualspiral said...

See, now I am conscious that I don't shave every day.

Blonde said...

Emily: Understandably! As I think it is for everyone...

PJB: The question is: would you want them if they were like this?

A Male: I'm still not convinced I want to hear anything that a fish-fighter has to say.

Perp: Don't be. Stubble = good. Full blown Santa beards = bad.

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