Tuesday, 26 January 2010

In which I play the numbers game

I’m not a girl who’s particularly au fait with the self-help section of the local branch of Waterstone’s. I can’t say that I’ve ever been tempted by the musings of some over-happy American type who thinks they’re able to improve my life with a little positive thinking.

So when people were milling around in the kitchen, plied with gins and tonic, ahead of an ultimately successful dinner party, I was a little surprised to be handed one as a present by PolitiGal.

“Here – you remember I told you that you needed a more scientific approach to boys?” The men in the room looked at us both, clearly sceptical and alarmed in equal measure. “Well, I thought this might help.”

I looked down at the title in my hand: The Four Man Plan.

Initially sceptical, I thought it would be one of those books that lie dormant on a shelf for years until a charity chuck-out comes around. But, on getting rid of everyone on Sunday afternoon, I curled up into the chair with a restorative mug of Earl Grey, the kitten at my feet, and the book in hand.

The theory is that there’s science behind the plan that this woman has devised. The reality is that it’s just quite a lot of common sense. The basic tenets of the book are: not to put all one’s men in one basket, by dating more than one chap at once; to be honest about dating several people; and not to sleep with more than one man at a time. As I say, common sensical, but apparently easier to grasp when laid out in black and white on the page.

My buy-in to this theory was waning, until I got to a page that said – you might think all this is daft, but let’s face it: nothing has worked for you so far, has it? You suck at this. You may as well give this a shot.
I’m paraphrasing, other than that penultimate sentence.

“Which, let’s face it, probably has some truth in it,” I said to Best Mate as we sat in a nail bar in the West End, her opting for the nude look, and my sporting fabulously slutty crimson.

“Hmm. Well, you’re probably right there,” she said, watching as a top coat was painstakingly applied.

“We may as well give it a go,” I said, wishing I’d not broken a nail to such an extent during the week that they’d all had to be drastically chopped off. “In the name of science, if nothing else.”

“I’m up for it,” BM said, studying the handiwork. “If for no other reason than we might as well.”

Thus it was that she and I have embraced the Four Man Plan. After all, searching for quality has got us nowhere thus far – it’s probably time to give quantity a go.


jman said...

So will this bring new meaning to the term "fourplay"? Knowing how inherently wonderful you are I heartily applaud your new policy of sharing the wealth. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone who is a SL antibiotic.

coffeesnob said...

science. rational planning. rather puts one in mind of the command economies of the soviet bloc.

ps. have you looked into new biog of alan clark? is it as lively as first volume of clark's memoirs?

Helena Halme said...

You see how your post affected me - can't even sign my name correctly any more. Hxx

Helena Halme said...

I'd go for it! What fun: one man for bed, one for DIY, one whose jokes you can laugh at one to go to the art galleries with. When the bed one gets too complacent you can swap the order around, because let's face it all men just want the former so they'll do anything to get there. You can have them on a right old merry-go-around. Makes me wish I was single again.

Hlena xx

Helena xx

Rage Against The Dying of the Light said...

Haven't you already discovered that you're not very good at dating more than one person at a time?

Still, sounds like it will generate plenty of entertaining blog-fodder...

Hamish said...

Sounds to me that it's just a simple "friends with benefits" set up.

Speaking as a man......Christmas all over again !

( But I'm sure it "might" work for you Blondie..... )

That's Not My Age said...

Ooh I like your new look (I'm talking about the blog but I'm sure you and your nails look fab too!). In theory the four man plan is a nice idea - and I don't want to be all glass-half-empty about this but from my experience (pre Mr TNMA of course), I found that it's hard enough finding one man to date, let alone four. But that might just be me!
Anyway, good luck with the plan. I look forward to reading all about your adventures.

Lewis William said...

Ha I love the enthusiasm... We might as well, nothing better to do... You should really want to, not do so half-heartedly!
All the best xx

Blonde said...

Jman: Heh - hadn' thought of that. It might do.

Coffeesnob: Erk. That is a little lacking in romance, isn't it?! (And 'fraid not - sticking firmly to large list of novels at the mo.)

HH: My friend, much as it sounds fun, do be careful what you wish for!

RATDOTL: Yes, and thank you for bringing that up. Good to be reminded.

Hamish: Nope - there are strict rules about that. Might be sorely lacking in benefits for a while... Erk.

TNMA: Why, thank you very much. I rather think it can't be more disastrous than any of my other episodes.

LW: I should, yes, but enthusiasm is just so exhausting.

crazykites said...

sounds like a laugh getting to know people. it is like what they did in the olden days when choosing a husband...not getting serious but just seeing if you could be compatible as a couple.

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