Sunday, 26 July 2009

In which I add another disaster to the compendium...

Sometimes, when all other possibilities have been exhausted, a gal will exhale in a defeated manner to her friends that some new chap hasn’t laid a finger on her in weeks worth of dates, and that there’s no other explanation: he must be gay. It’s slightly egotistical, but not said in all seriousness. Generally.

Old Friend and I were on a boat in the early evening sunshine before heading to Derren Brown’s live show. I was making good headway through a large and well-deserved glass of wine after a story for a client got rather larger national pick-up than we had anticipated, grew a life of its own, and took over my week. I don’t know what OF’s excuse was: he's just a drunk, I think.

“Yes, so, I’m giving up the matchmaking,” he said, making his best effort at a disarming grin, which ended up coming off as sheepish.

“Oh?”

“Mmm. It turns out that I might have misread a few signals along the way.”

“Oh?”

“Mmm. I think I might have misread Rugged Scotsman ever so slightly.”

There it was: the sinking feeling.

Oh? How so?”

“Well, he, er…” A pause. “He spent Saturday night hitting on me.”

A mouthful of Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc almost made its way across the table.

“What?!”

“Yes, well… He appears to er…”

“He’s GAY?!”

“Er, yes…”

I sank back into my chair and tried to lose myself in the gentle rocking of the boat.

“Great. Just bloody great. My dating record which, let’s be honest, can’t be described as glowing at the best of times, now includes a failed dalliance with a gay guy.”

“Well, on the bright side, it does mean that even though he didn’t try and sleep with you, there’s probably nothing wrong with you. Although, I suppose it’s possible that, if he wasn’t gay before, it only took three dates with you to turn him.” He drained his glass. “Come on, time to go.”

For a moment, I considered pushing OF overboard, contemplating the satisfying splash he’d make as he hit the grubby waters of the Thames. And then I reconsidered: maybe it’s time to throw myself over the edge instead.

13 comments:

jman said...

My dear Blonde, I am sure that it was the alluringness of you that made not so Rugged Scotsman decide that maybe there was something to this heterosexuality. Alas he could not make the leap but I'm sure if nothing else you "straightened" him out. Despair not. If nothing else think of all those Paulos and Giannis getting all worked up over your pending arrival.

Freewoman of England said...

Send him my way

I said he was gay didnt I

Freewoman of England said...

actually I didn't But I did use the rhyming slang Bankers


Send him my way I need a R S

roseski said...

Aaaah no! The name "Rugged Scotsman" doesn't seem to fit so well anymore?

Huw said...

Had he been the Immaculately Groomed Scotsman, maybe the two of you should have looked to recalibrate your gaydar.

Freewoman of England said...

The dance class It was a big flag proclaiming gayness over a date

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Hehehe...gives a whole new dimension to the times he told you he was 'working late'. Go Go dancing, perhaps?

Loth said...

So basically he has gone out with you a few times and come to the conclusion that if you of all people can't stir some feelings in him, he must be gay. Sounds feasible.

nuttycow said...

*snort*

Cup of tea all over the keyboard - bill on the way.

Oh dear, RS is no longer so rugged. However, I did suggest that his footballer name did suggest a certain... campness :)

Plently more fish in the Thames.

Hamish said...

Ha ha Told you so !

April 30th

"You missed the obvious. A Scotsman who likes....CRICKET ?

Far too weird. Even for you"

Serves you right for not listening............ (Smug Mode )

Zstep said...

Tsk tsk, you must develop better gaydar, my dear. In retrospect, it must appear to be so obvious now though doesn't it?

Keep fightin', lil' trooper.

Homer said...

There's got to be a gag about dancing the Gay Gordon in there somewhere.

I can see why you were tempted to throw yourself in... I'd be like that if I had to go and watch Derren Brown live too. ;-)

CoatMan said...

Ahh... had either of you considered the possibility that this fellow might be bisexual?

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